May 30, 2012

The Opposite of Lonlieness - Marina Keegan

Taken from

The piece below was written by Marina Keegan '12 for a special edition of the News distributed at the class of 2012's commencement exercises last week. Keegan died in a car accident on Saturday. She was 22.

We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life. What I’m grateful and thankful to have found at Yale, and what I’m scared of losing when we wake up tomorrow and leave this place.

It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team. When the check is paid and you stay at the table. When it’s four a.m. and no one goes to bed. That night with the guitar. That night we can’t remember. That time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt. The hats.

Yale is full of tiny circles we pull around ourselves. A cappella groups, sports teams, houses, societies, clubs. These tiny groups that make us feel loved and safe and part of something even on our loneliest nights when we stumble home to our computers — partner-less, tired, awake. We won’t have those next year. We won’t live on the same block as all our friends. We won’t have a bunch of group-texts.

This scares me. More than finding the right job or city or spouse – I’m scared of losing this web we’re in. This elusive, indefinable, opposite of loneliness. This feeling I feel right now.

But let us get one thing straight: the best years of our lives are not behind us. They’re part of us and they are set for repetition as we grow up and move to New York and away from New York and wish we did or didn’t live in New York. I plan on having parties when I’m 30. I plan on having fun when I’m old. Any notion of THE BEST years comes from clich├ęd “should haves...” “if I’d...” “wish I’d...”

Of course, there are things we wished we did: our readings, that boy across the hall. We’re our own hardest critics and it’s easy to let ourselves down. Sleeping too late. Procrastinating. Cutting corners. More than once I’ve looked back on my High School self and thought: how did I do that? How did I work so hard? Our private insecurities follow us and will always follow us.

But the thing is, we’re all like that. Nobody wakes up when they want to. Nobody did all of their reading (except maybe the crazy people who win the prizes…) We have these impossibly high standards and we’ll probably never live up to our perfect fantasies of our future selves. But I feel like that’s okay.

We’re so young. We’re so young. We’re twenty-two years old. We have so much time. There’s this sentiment I sometimes sense, creeping in our collective conscious as we lay alone after a party, or pack up our books when we give in and go out – that it is somehow too late. That others are somehow ahead. More accomplished, more specialized. More on the path to somehow saving the world, somehow creating or inventing or improving. That it’s too late now to BEGIN a beginning and we must settle for continuance, for commencement.

When we came to Yale, there was this sense of possibility. This immense and indefinable potential energy – and it’s easy to feel like that’s slipped away. We never had to choose and suddenly we’ve had to. Some of us have focused ourselves. Some of us know exactly what we want and are on the path to get it; already going to med school, working at the perfect NGO, doing research. To you I say both congratulations and you suck.

For most of us, however, we’re somewhat lost in this sea of liberal arts. Not quite sure what road we’re on and whether we should have taken it. If only I had majored in biology…if only I’d gotten involved in journalism as a freshman…if only I’d thought to apply for this or for that…
What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that it’s too late to do anything is comical. It’s hilarious. We’re graduating college. We’re so young. We can’t, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it’s all we have.

In the heart of a winter Friday night my freshman year, I was dazed and confused when I got a call from my friends to meet them at EST EST EST. Dazedly and confusedly, I began trudging to SSS, probably the point on campus farthest away. Remarkably, it wasn’t until I arrived at the door that I questioned how and why exactly my friends were partying in Yale’s administrative building. Of course, they weren’t. But it was cold and my ID somehow worked so I went inside SSS to pull out my phone. It was quiet, the old wood creaking and the snow barely visible outside the stained glass. And I sat down. And I looked up. At this giant room I was in. At this place where thousands of people had sat before me. And alone, at night, in the middle of a New Haven storm, I felt so remarkably, unbelievably safe.

We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I’d say that’s how I feel at Yale. How I feel right now. Here. With all of you. In love, impressed, humbled, scared. And we don’t have to lose that.

We’re in this together, 2012. Let’s make something happen to this world.

Latest Obsession

Two summers ago I watched the entire series of One Tree Hill in just two months. I seriously couldn't stop, I'd watch one after the other until the early hours of the morning. This summer I've discovered the magic of Netflix and the fact that Dawson's Creek and Friday Night Lights are available on it. I love that Dawson's Creek takes place in Cape Cod, it seriously looks like it could be set in Marion which makes it even funner to watch this summer. Friday Night Lights is also pretty addicting. It was really popular with some of my friends at Syracuse and now that I am onto the second season I feel like I have a slow understanding of football which is something I've never had before. Also, the fact that sports play a huge part of this show reminds me of One Tree Hill and basketball.

May 29, 2012

Happy Memorial Day!!

Memorial Day

Memorial Day is definitely one of my favorite weekends of the year. It marks the beginning of summer and the summer rituals that can get taken for granted by August are fresh and exciting. My family went down to the Cape Sunday and Monday and had our first beach days. Here are my favorite beach accessories:
  • The L.L. Bean Boat Tote is durable and won't get soggy when salt water gets on it. 
  • A thicker shirt for when the wind picks up; like this St. James tee. 
  • I use my Tory Burch continental wallet during the school year but the leather is impractical for summer activities like the beach and the pool. The Lilly Pulitzer wristlet makes a lot more sense for summer and it has room for your phone.
Memorial Day

Boston Love

So accurate haha

May 26, 2012

The Webster for Target

Clothes shopping at Target is generally pretty hit or miss but I was so pleasantly surprised by the sun dress selection today. My mom and I were loving the The Webster for Target collection. She picked up the navy and green shift and the white cardigan below and I finally got a maxi-dress after two summers of wanting to jump on this trend but I might have to go back for the backless eyelet dress. 

Target Summer

Design Darling

For the past 5 or so years I've started my day checking Cupcakes&Cashmere and The College Prepster. As much as I love them I've gotta admit they are getting kind of old... Emily is recently married and Carly graduated last weekend, clearly I feel as though I've gotten to know them both quite well over the past few years. However, I've been hoping to add a new person to this little club and I think I have finally found just the right one -- Mackenzie of Design Darling. Her taste in clothing is much more my style. I love this outfit she pulled for summer:
Definitly adding this to my morning rotation.